(ed: I recall this from back in the early days of rock 'n roll in the UK being sung by Tommy Steele. It's took me nearly 40 years to lean it was actually an old 'music hall' ditty written and sung by Harry Champion! Still bloody funny tho - esp. when sung!)

What a Mouth
Jimmy Bean was a funny lookin' fellah;
If he had another face, he'd look much weller;
But his mouth queered him from winning a beauty show.
It was like a steamboat funnel,
Like a railway arch, or the Blackwall Tunnel;
If you can't see Jim, when he opens his mouth you'll know.
Now as poor Jim goes walkin about -
You can hear the kids all holler and shout -

"What a mouth! What a mouth! What a North and South!
"Blimey, what a mouth he's got"!
Now when he was a baby, Lord-oh-luvver!
His poor old muvver used to feed him with a shovel.
What a gap! Poor chap! He's never been known to laugh.
'Cos if he did, it's a penny to a quid that his face would fall in half!

It's so large, Oh Lord! Oh Lumme!
He can whisper in his own ear - ain't that funny?
Now to quench his thirst, he has to take a drink from mine.
He got so drunk one foggy morn,
He lay in the road and started to yawn;
And a poor old man was delivering coal close by.
Now as he went to shoot his load,
He saw Jim's mouth out in the road -

What a mouth! What a mouth! What a North and South!
Blimey what a mouth he's got.
Now the poor old man was a short sighted fellah;
When he saw Jim's mouth, he took it for the cellar;
And he shot the lot, right into his mouth - no joke!
Now Jim, poor soul's got a tummy full of coal -
And he coughs up lumps of coke!