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- arrested
- The teacher was arrested Because in a practical way He tried to explain to a student The difference between a lie and a lay.
- Beebee
- A certain young fellow named Beebee Wished to wed with a lady named Phoebe. "But", he said, "I must see What the clerical fee Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Beebee"
- Blackheath
- There was an old man of Blackheath, Who sat on his set of false teeth; Said he, witha start, 'O Lord, bless my heart! I've bitten myself underneath!'
- Bright
- There was a young lady called Bright Who could travel far faster than light She set off one day In a relative way And returned home the previous night
- canny
- A canner, exceedingly canny, One morning remarked to his granny, "A canner can can Anything that he can, But a canner can't can a can, can he?"
- Cape Horn
- A guy who was living at Cape Horn Wished that he had never been born; But he wouldn't have been If his father had seen That the end of the condom was torn!
- Darjeeling
- There was an young man from Darjeeling Who rode on a train out to Ealing. The sign on the door Read 'Don't spit on the floor' So he carefully spat on the ceiling.
- Devizes
- There was a man from Devizes Who had balls of different sizes One was small, and was nothing at all But the other was large And won prizes
- fair
- Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the pieman, "What have you got there?" Said the pieman unto Simon, "Pies, you dickhead!"
- flute
- A tutor who tooted the flute Tried to teach two young tooters to toot; Said the two to the tutor, "Is it harder to toot, or To tutor two tooters to toot?
- fly and a flea
- A fly and a flea in a flue Were imprisoned, so what could they do? Said the fly, "Let us flee!" "Let us fly!", said the flea. So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
- Hall
- There was a young fellow named Hall Who fell in the spring in the fall 'Twould have been a bad thing If he'd died in the spring, But he didn't - he died in the fall.
- ham
- Dad waited while Mum bought the ham, But when she came out she said, "Sam, That one's not our baby!" He answered, "Well maybe, But look! It's a much nicer pram."
- hill
- Jack and Jill went up the hill To have some hanky panky. Silly Jill forgot her pill, And now there's little Frankie.
- Jenny
- "There's a train at 4:04", said Miss Jenny. "Four tickets I'll take; have you any?" Said the man at the door, "Not four for 4:04, For four for 4:04 is too many."
- Laconia
- There was a young man from Laconia Whose mother-in-law had pneumonia He hoped for the worst And after March first, She as buried beneath a begonia.
- lamb
- Mary had a little lamb. It ran into a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its ass And turned it into nylon.
- Lynn
- There was a young lady of Lynn, Who was so exceedingly thin, That when she essayed To drink lemonade, She slipped through the straw, and fell in
- McGuire
- There was an old man named McGuire, Lost his footing and fell in the mire. Said a bland passer-by, "Cheer up, never say die!" "But I must", he replied, "I'm a dyer!"
- Mister
- She frowned and called him Mister, Because in sport he kissed 'er. And so in spite, That very night, This Mister, kissed 'er, sister! ◊ There once was a handsome young More…
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